Giving it to Him.

Wednesday, July 30th –

Chelli talked about where you are in your Christianity tonight at youth group. She talked about a story in 2nd Kings, chapter 6 & 7 about four lepers that were standing outside the gates of an Israelite city talking about how they were going to die because they had no food. They had 3 options: die standing outside the city, die inside the city due to the famine, or they could surrender themselves to the enemy city with little chance of being spared. They were so upset that they had these terrible options. They decided to surrender themselves and headed to the other city. Before they got there, everyone in the city had heard noises that sounded like they were about to be attacked. So they all fled and deserted the city. God had emptied the city for the lepers. When they got there, obviously the city was empty. They went in the first tent, ate, and took goods and hid them. They continued to do this to other tents.
Finally they realized what they were doing was wrong. Behind them there was an entire city dying from lack of food and goods and the four of them were taking every bit of it for themselves. Soon they took the good news back to the city and to the king. God used those four lepers to save an entire city. When they were despairing about their terrible options back at the city gates, they were getting in the way of God’s work. Chelli talked about how if you aren’t in God’s will, if you’re luke warm, then you’re just standing outside of God’s work – dying. She talked about how you can’t get in the way of what God is trying to do. That really hit hard tonight. She was so in my face about it… and I’m so glad she was. What God spoke through her was incredible.
I’ve been so in the middle of God’s will lately. I’ve just been floating around doing life on my own and lifting a hand when they play the choir special on Sunday. God doesn’t want me there. He doesn’t want anyone there. God says that he’d rather have you bad then in the middle. The middle sucks and it tortures you. You have to be fully and truly in God’s will. It’s the only way.
Tonight I realized something. Well I realized a ton of things, but this one especially. My life has been in pieces. Some pieces go to God and some I govern myself. That will get you nowhere. In fact, it will only hurt you. EVERY part of you has to go to God. I was giving what little of my Christian walk I had to God and that was it. Even my ministry wasn’t under Him. That makes me want to make fun of myself. How ridiculous is that? Not even my ministry, which God employed me to do, was under him. Not only that, but even the small areas of my life weren’t under Him. Even down to the fact that I’m trying to get a job, I’m trying to work out school. All these things were wrecked because I wasn’t giving it to Him. Everything has to go to Him… Everything has to go to Him. I cannot stress that enough.
Not only do/did I need to give everything to Him, but I needed to trust Him. I’m learning that can become to very different things, unfortunately. I may give it all to Him, but if I don’t trust him to take care of it, then it’s useless. Trust is everything. Having faith that He’ll take care of it is mandatory. I believe it’s insulting to God to not have faith and trust that He’ll take care of you. It’s a lot like if you’re parents don’t trust you to clean your room without destroying everything (but on a much larger scale, of course.). How insulting would that be? Now imagine it in God’s shoes. He created you and everything that surrounds you and yet you may not trust Him to take care of everything. Not only is that incredibly important, but you’ll feel so much better all around. All this stress goes away, because you know that God is taking care of it. It’s amazing.
God really spoke to me tonight. I came home and talked to my parents. There was some stuff that wasn’t working out that was making me so upset. I came upstairs after storming out of my parent’s room, and lay on my bed. I was so unhappy. Not just because I was upset that things weren’t working out, but all of the sudden I realized where I was with God. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think there was anything to do. I believed that I had come to a place where I had nothing to offer, nothing I could do for Him. In my eyes it was up to God to get me back. Oh how I was mistaken. All I did was talk to God with a sincere heart. I just told Him about how I wanted Him back. How I wanted His authority back in my life. How I missed Him. I prayed.

Right now I’m so unbelievably happy to be back with God. He is amazing.

Seriously.

So I'm gonna go.
Today was bad.
I went to school after a bunch of absences.
And when I got there the teachers were being retards.
NO MERCY.
So then on top of that I was only running on a few hours of sleep.
AND on top of that... I had a ton of stuff on my mind.
I'll spare you that part.
And then right when I think the day gets better...
Drama comes up at 1 o' clock.
And not just petty crap.
This was serious crap.
Seriously.
The day was terrible.
I walk out of the school doors and praise God to see my car waiting for me.
I could at least go home and drown my sadness with the new office episode that was coming on.
I get in the car, we stop at a store, get back, and the car won't start.
At this point I was numb.
I didn't even get mad.
I just sat there.
FOR TWO HOURS.
Waiting on my dad to come replace the battery.
Finally I come home.
And sat around and moped.
Then here at about 10:30,
I turn on some worship music.
And God was right there smiling at me.
And all of my terrible day didn't seem like that big of a deal.
In an instant, God cheered me up.
So I write to you now saying,
"God is amazing."
Seriously.

I'm giving up and giving out. For the good of everyone.

I've been inspired lately. Inspired to be someone amazing. Inspired to be a leader. It's been on my heart lately. It's a speck in my eye. Everywhere I go it's right there in my face. I just can't get rid of it. And I don't want to. I'm giving up everything. I'm giving up my petty, earthly crap and heading toward a higher destiny. Where I am SUPPOSED to heading toward. I've been so caught up in living the life of someone... a kid who was could figure out a way to do it all on his own. A kid who could out-smart everyone and end up shining. That sucked. Because I was attempting to do something that was literally impossible. Just when I think it's gonna work, right when I think wow, I don't need a savior, life slaps me right in the face - hard. I can't do it. I just can't do it. And I pray for those who think they can. I pray they wouldn't be slapped quite as hard as I was. I wouldn't wish that "slap" on my worst enemies.

I am so stirred for God right now. It's really shocking me. Especially at night, when I'm alone with my thoughts - I just get so unbelievably excited that I end up staying up till 3am like I'm doing now just because I don't want sleep to kill the excitement. I just want to stay up and call all my friends and tell them how on fire I am. I just want to talk to God.... I just want to chill with him. All I want to do is be around him. I've gotten to the point where I enjoy just imagining the plans he has for me. Just imagining... imagining how amazing he is. It makes my heart pound. Hard.

His loves lives on forever. It's not like a tall white chocolate mocha from starbucks that lasts about 20 mins and then you end up regreting it and looking up on the internet how much milk you just drank. It's everlasting. His love will shine when all else fades. And it's not milky.

It's funny how you see every single thing in your life differently when you've got Jesus sitting next to you. Your enemies seem amusing, those in pain seem like your brother - you can't help but have compassion for them. Every stupid, pointless thing humanity gets caught up in just seems incredibly annoying. I'm seeing my life through new eyes.

I'm so excited for this summer. My youth pastor is leaving. They're moving to Africa to do missions. It's one of the most horrible things I've ever had to deal with. But it's been so eye-opening. It's been mind-blowing. God has used this to show me my place, His plan for me, and what I can do for Him. I'm so excited to see what he has in store for me and our youth group this summer. I could jump up and down.

It feels amazing to have God back in my life. Do it. You'll see what I mean.

Can't complain.

I'm sitting in the parking lot of Chilli's. My brother locked his keys inside the car. We are waiting on roadside assistance to come unlock it. The call itself to roadside assistance is taking 15 minutes.

It's 70 degrees outside. Its windy. The weather is beautiful. I'm sitting with my mom listening to music. I honestly couldn't complain.

Tonight I realized this whole rush of life we're caught up in isn't as important as we think it is. Spending this time with my mom has been great. Its a incredibly beautiful night. We have no where to be. No stress. Almost as everything has gone on vacation - including the "stress" of life that we always find time to complain about.

Tonight was eye opening for me.

It has been a great night.

All the cleaning really payed off.

So I woke up this morning and I was super glad that I had cleaned. So worth it. And I get a reward. Which is very nice because the house being nice and clean is really good enough of a reward for me. So double wammy.

I didn't go to church today. I feel bad about that. But after staying up till midnight cleaning and then going for an emergency Wendy's run at 1:30am only to find that they were closed -- needless to say I was in need of rest.

I was going to have some friends over tonight. But no one replied to my text message invitation. So I'm moving it to tomorrow. Maybe then someone will actually come. I did all this cleaning and it makes me feel the need to have a party -- only so my friends can mess it all up. Isn't that the right thing to do? I'll probably feel differently after the party, don't ya think?

So my youth pastor and his wife are in Capetown, South Africa for a week. Prayers for them.

I got my shower so that I could do something fun with my parents when they got home from church and errands. The minute they arrived home, they went to sleep. Or at least my mom did. My dad with join her any minute now. It's only a matter of time.

Well that's all for now. Good day.

Completion

I finally finished cleaning. Oh my goodness you have no idea. I did both levels and I am beat.
I did the vacuuming, the dusting, the laundry, the bathrooms, the bed making, the kitchen, and even washed the dog.

Now I can get my reward.

I need sleep.

Cleaning.

I've decided the thing I hate most when not in the mood is cleaning.
My mother tempted me tonight. She said that if I clean the house really good tonight then she will take me, buy me, or do whatever/wherever I want. Some may call that a reward. I'm considering it ridiculous. The whole time I'm cleaning all I'm thinking about is This really sucks. But I've got to keep doing it. Mom will do something really cool for me. Oh but this sucks so hard. OH BUT I HAVE TO GET MY REWARD! THIS IS TERRIBLE!

I've so far got the main level done and soon venturing to the dreaded upstairs. It's scary up there. It's a clean freaks horror movie. Heck, its an average clean persons' horror movie. Actually more like an X-rated movie for a clean freak... and a R-rated movie for an average clean person. Just so you get the technical description. I know you were dying for me to explain all that to you.

The more I sit here and blog, the less motivated I am becoming to clean the upstairs. What helps motivate me is to think Hmmm. I really could have a nice time in the bonus room upstairs if it were clean. I could blog and watch tv in a nice, peacful, clean enviorment if I could just get up there and clean it. Then I go upstairs and take a look, go back downstairs, sit on the couch, and try to remove the scary images from my mind. Some things stick with you for the rest of your life -- if they're horrifying enough.

Then I think, once more, about how rewarded I will be if I get everything clean.

THINK, FEAR, MOTIVATE, REPEAT.

Writing.

Oh how writing excites me. My idea of relaxation? Going home, turning on the office, getting a blanket, sitting down on the couch, grabbing the laptop, and writing. Some people may think I'm weird for this, but I have different opinions. The idea of coming home from school and writing makes me incredibly happy. It gives me a chance to get all that is on my mind out in words. A chance to state my opinions without someone contradicting me. A time where only my opinion counts.

All this to say, thank you Google. You've made it too easy to publish one's daily ramblings.

Spring.

Spring. A time for new beginnings. The tree in the front yard is blooming again. It has looked like death all winter. And yet it still finds enough life to share it's beauty once more at spring time.

Spring is always inspirational for me. It's a time to restore order in areas of my life that need it. Even my house. It's a time to get the place looking spectacular. From organizing to cleaning to planting flowers everywhere. All of it excites me greatly.

It also reminds me that school is soon coming to an end. Thank God. No matter how much I love school supplies, school seems to defeat excitement. But we're thinking positive today. So no more of that.

As I was waiting for my mom to get ready to go have a day of fun on my first day of Spring Break, I went outside and snapped some photos of the tree I told you about earlier. Yes, the picture up top is what I am talking about. I must say I was pretty proud of myself for taking that. But more importantly, I owe all of it to God. He created the tree. And without it I would have no picture. Heck, he created me, the camera, and the ground I was standing on so yeah... He should get some praise for that one - Don't ya think? As I am writing this I was just thinking how amazing he is and how amazing his creation is. I believe I am going through some humbling right now. I've become too sure of myself lately and I think God is giving me a nudge. It's what I need.

Goodbye for now.

Spring Break? Not so much.

So I'm very excited for Spring Break. And probably not for the reasons you would expect. I'm excited because it gives me a chance to really work on school work that I am behind on. I am so incredibly excited about this.

So today didn't go as I expected. It's midnight and I just finished my homework. Prett sad. Here's how my day ACTUALLY went:

10am - Ate breakfast
11am - Showered
11:30 to 12:45 - Did absolutely nothing except wait for everyone to get their act together
1 to 3 - Lunch, Starbucks, The works.
4 to now - Homework, Rummy, Dinner, TV, Homework

I'm extremely tired and very ready for tomorrow to be OVER

Want to read something funny? Contrast the difference between this entry and two entries down.

Friendship Essay.

I wrote and essay for school about friendship and I thought I'd share with you. Enjoy.

Friends
By Andy Lovell

Friends are very important to me. I don’t know how I could function without my friends. I know I take them for granted, but I also have those moments when they’re a life saver. For this, I am extremely grateful for the friends in my life. I believe that God created both Christians and humans, in general, to be in fellowship with others. No matter how much we may think we can do it alone, we truly need friends in our lives.
Friends keep me accountable all the time. They are great for that. My friends know the true me, and when I do something that isn’t me or something that isn’t in my best interests, they aren’t afraid to come and talk to me about it or keep me in line. I may not like it at the moment, but they are doing what is best for me. I always look back and realize how helpful it was for them to confront me about a certain situation. In the end it is what is best for me.
Friends are people I can always go to for advice. Before I even go to my parents for advice, I go to my friends. If I am facing a tough situation in life, they are always there to tell me what I should do or talk me through it. In turn, I’m there for my friends when they need advice or support. Through that, my friendships become stronger. I trust my friends more because they have given me advice and vice versa. I’m very grateful for the advice my friends have given me.
I can always be myself around my friends. Mainly because they could care less what I look like or how I act. True friends are your friends simply because they like you the way you are. After a long day, it’s always nice to hang out with friends and just kick back and be yourself. I can be as ridiculous or as crazy as I want to be and they could care less. If anything they enjoy it. I don’t have to be someone I’m not when I am with them.
Friends are one of the most important things in my life. Friends are a lot like a getaway vacation where you can just relax and be yourself. Spending time with friends is ultimately my favorite way to spend my time. The friends I have are great and I wouldn’t trade them for anyone else. Even though everyone takes friends for granted, it’s important to remember how great they are.

Today is the day.

Today's plan:

10am - Breakfast
11am - Clean
12am - Lunch with Mom and Matt
1pm - Probably homework
6pm - Hopefully go to church

The best part about it: I really couldn't ask for a better day.

Rummy.

It has become a regular and routine activity for my mother and I to play rummy every night. Usually we will play a few rounds, my brother will come home from work, and he will join the game. It's really quite enjoyable. My mother and I both are becoming very good at the game. We definitely dominate at it. We're actually preparing. My grandmother is a genius - and not only at playing rummy. If my mother and I dominate, then my grandmother? Well she destroys. We're hoping to show her a challenge. But who knows, she may just be un-defeatable. Only one way to find out.

Well my brother moved back home. (Yes, the one who plays rummy with my mother and I) And he has name - Matt. He lived with my aunt, uncle, and grandmother (Yes, the one who "destroys" at rummy.) in North Carolina for about 6 months. He's basically making a pit stop. Eventually he will move to California. More on that later.

Since we talked about Matt, we should probably talk about my other brother - Josh. He attends Lee University in Cleveland. He is a sophmore and as far as I can tell, he likes it as much as the average person can like education. He comes home every now and then on the weekends. More importantly he brings the XBox. Just kidding, his being home is obviously more important than the XBox. (wink) That's pretty much all for Josh.

School. OMG. I never say OMG, but in this case I feel it is necessary and/or needed. I'm am very ready to get out of middle school. Really I am. And I don't even know where I am going to high school. And it's time to enroll. AND I dread the process. I would keep talking about this but it will put me in a bad mood.

My life right now is good. I have to keep a good atitude about things. My belief - you decide how good or bad your life is.

I've got to get better at this.

So I'm serious. I really enjoy blogging. I've got to get better at doing this on a regular basis. Well I don't have much to say to you today. I'm using my iPhone. And I really don't feel like typing a big long shpeel right now.

I'll get back to you.