Giving it to Him.

Wednesday, July 30th –

Chelli talked about where you are in your Christianity tonight at youth group. She talked about a story in 2nd Kings, chapter 6 & 7 about four lepers that were standing outside the gates of an Israelite city talking about how they were going to die because they had no food. They had 3 options: die standing outside the city, die inside the city due to the famine, or they could surrender themselves to the enemy city with little chance of being spared. They were so upset that they had these terrible options. They decided to surrender themselves and headed to the other city. Before they got there, everyone in the city had heard noises that sounded like they were about to be attacked. So they all fled and deserted the city. God had emptied the city for the lepers. When they got there, obviously the city was empty. They went in the first tent, ate, and took goods and hid them. They continued to do this to other tents.
Finally they realized what they were doing was wrong. Behind them there was an entire city dying from lack of food and goods and the four of them were taking every bit of it for themselves. Soon they took the good news back to the city and to the king. God used those four lepers to save an entire city. When they were despairing about their terrible options back at the city gates, they were getting in the way of God’s work. Chelli talked about how if you aren’t in God’s will, if you’re luke warm, then you’re just standing outside of God’s work – dying. She talked about how you can’t get in the way of what God is trying to do. That really hit hard tonight. She was so in my face about it… and I’m so glad she was. What God spoke through her was incredible.
I’ve been so in the middle of God’s will lately. I’ve just been floating around doing life on my own and lifting a hand when they play the choir special on Sunday. God doesn’t want me there. He doesn’t want anyone there. God says that he’d rather have you bad then in the middle. The middle sucks and it tortures you. You have to be fully and truly in God’s will. It’s the only way.
Tonight I realized something. Well I realized a ton of things, but this one especially. My life has been in pieces. Some pieces go to God and some I govern myself. That will get you nowhere. In fact, it will only hurt you. EVERY part of you has to go to God. I was giving what little of my Christian walk I had to God and that was it. Even my ministry wasn’t under Him. That makes me want to make fun of myself. How ridiculous is that? Not even my ministry, which God employed me to do, was under him. Not only that, but even the small areas of my life weren’t under Him. Even down to the fact that I’m trying to get a job, I’m trying to work out school. All these things were wrecked because I wasn’t giving it to Him. Everything has to go to Him… Everything has to go to Him. I cannot stress that enough.
Not only do/did I need to give everything to Him, but I needed to trust Him. I’m learning that can become to very different things, unfortunately. I may give it all to Him, but if I don’t trust him to take care of it, then it’s useless. Trust is everything. Having faith that He’ll take care of it is mandatory. I believe it’s insulting to God to not have faith and trust that He’ll take care of you. It’s a lot like if you’re parents don’t trust you to clean your room without destroying everything (but on a much larger scale, of course.). How insulting would that be? Now imagine it in God’s shoes. He created you and everything that surrounds you and yet you may not trust Him to take care of everything. Not only is that incredibly important, but you’ll feel so much better all around. All this stress goes away, because you know that God is taking care of it. It’s amazing.
God really spoke to me tonight. I came home and talked to my parents. There was some stuff that wasn’t working out that was making me so upset. I came upstairs after storming out of my parent’s room, and lay on my bed. I was so unhappy. Not just because I was upset that things weren’t working out, but all of the sudden I realized where I was with God. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think there was anything to do. I believed that I had come to a place where I had nothing to offer, nothing I could do for Him. In my eyes it was up to God to get me back. Oh how I was mistaken. All I did was talk to God with a sincere heart. I just told Him about how I wanted Him back. How I wanted His authority back in my life. How I missed Him. I prayed.

Right now I’m so unbelievably happy to be back with God. He is amazing.